Effective Youth Ministry Press Blog
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This blog is designed for anyone who wants to think seriously about youth ministry. It is for: fulltime youth leaders, part time youth leaders, volunteers in youth ministry and those who are thinking about youth ministry in the future. The goal is for us to think practically and strategically, with our Bibles wide open. Remember, it is crucial that the word of God shapes our methods and not only our message in youth ministry. Read on…
Rule 1: Run a ministry that fires you up rather than wears you out
Rule 2: God is in control—don’t be a control freak
Rule 3: Work for a good boss
Rule 4: Get some sleep
Do you remember that Monty Python skit about the Four Yorkshiremen? They sat around reminiscing about the past and how bad it was. “Luxury” was one of the words they would use. “We used to live in a hole in the ground.” “We had to live in a lake.” “Lake! There were a 150 of us in a shoebox!” And on it goes.
A few years back there was a similar trend in youth ministry … and remnants of it still exist today. It seemed that the common trend was to boast about how little sleep you got the previous night. “Six hours? Luxury … I only had four!” was a conversation I overheard a few times. Even in ministry this became somewhat common—“Sleep? Luxury! Who needs sleep?” Well, let me answer that by saying, “You do! And lots of it.” It is not “luxury” to get a good amount of sleep. Nor is it godly to get a minimal amount of sleep. In fact, it can be ministry suicide. Your body, your mind and your spirit have been designed to rest and rest hard!
Here is why I tell you this, you need it … and, many of you do not sleep enough. And, if you do not get enough sleep, you probably will find ministry very tough going.
Youth leaders need energy; physical, mental, and spiritual. You also need your creative juices to flow. You can only do this if you are running on a tank with some gas in it. This, in part, must come through a healthy night’s sleep.
I won’t bombard you with the research out there but, needless to say, the people in the labcoats are saying “it is important, get some sleep tonight.” With this in mind, may I make some suggestions?
- If you have important things to do in the morning, turn the unimportant things off in the evening. You know what I’m talking about: your computer, your gaming device, your cellphone, your TV, etc. Whatever keeps your brain ‘on’ needs to go ‘off’’.
- If you have important things to do in the evening, don’t back it up with something important the next morning. I know this is impossible to do all the time, but work on this as a general rule: late nights need to be followed by more relaxed mornings. I have found that, in ministry, we can often loosen our schedule up to accommodate this.
- Have a good sleep in at least twice per week. I have no science to back this up—just my own experience, but every couple of days schedule in a good long night.
- Have a few mornings that are program free. I have found that I need at least two mornings per week to myself. These are times to catch up on my reading, spend some time writing, take a walk or simply grab a coffee and chill. While this may not relate directly to sleep, they will happen a lot more naturally after a good night’s rest.
- Get rid of guilt. Many of us actually feel guilty for sleeping. Sleep is a gift to us from the giver of all good things. Sure, if you are lazy, feel guilty, because you are guilty. However, if you aren’t a sluggard, grab a good nine hours and wake up smiling and guilt-free. Remember the words of Psalm 127:2: It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest,?eating the bread of anxious toil for he gives to his beloved sleep
One final word to those introverts out there
Youth ministry tends to favor the extrovert. I don’t mean the “hand me the microphone and get me in front of a crowd” type of extrovert. I mean those of us who like being in a group of people. That is me, I like parties and I love big youth gatherings. However, that is not everyone. Many of us tend to like to be alone or with a smaller group of people. Two things need to be said here:
- We need more introverts in ministry. For far too long youth ministry has been about crowds and noise rather than intimacy and depth. Let’s make sure we get some balance and find a way for the introverts among us to be involved in youth ministry.
- If you are an introvert in youth ministry, it is imperative that you get a large quantity of alone time. This is not ungodly—it is the way the Creator has designed you. In my mind your need to get away is similar to everyone’s need for sleep, you need to recharge and refresh. Please do not feel guilty for keeping your schedule from being jam packed with events filled with people. That is the quick road to ministry death. You must learn to keep a balance of the necessary group activities with quieter times for personal space.
If you are an introvert, I hereby free you to have hours (and hours) of time during your week to take a walk by yourself, sit in a coffee shop and read/prepare, go see a movie or simply sit at home for a few hours each day by yourself.
Rule 1: Run a ministry that fires you up rather than wears you out
Rule 2: God is in control—don’t be a control freak
Rule 3: Work for a good boss
Each of us must work either under, or alongside, a senior minister or group of elders (your church or denominational structure decides what type of structure works best for them.) One of more of these people has the power to make your working life a joy where you are encouraged and fired up, or, a burden where you may end up exhausted and in a state of ‘unhealth’. It is important for you and your ministry that you work with someone who promotes your professional (and personal) wellbeing and not your career destruction. In my experience, it is a necessity that you ensure that your boss is healthy. If they aren’t, chances are you won’t be either. As we reflect on what it means to work for a good senior minister, there are two things that must guide your thinking here.
Avoid working for a workaholic senior minister!
Ministry tends to attract highly driven types, and that is a good thing. This world needs Jesus and we need men and women who are passionately committed to helping people follow him. The problem is, some of these church leaders simply don’t know when to take off their shoes, grab the remote and kick back for a spell. These are the dreaded “workaholic senior ministers” (and my guess is, you know one!)
Now there are two types of workaholic ministers: those who know they are nuts (and don’t expect you to follow suit) and … those who don’t know they are nuts (and expect everyone else to work seven days and seven nights a week). I worked for one of the latter. When I took the job he told me that this was “church life in the fast lane—we work six days and six nights.” (While he took one day per week off, he believed that every one of the other 144 hours must be given over to ministry.) To be honest, it wasn’t the six days so much as the “six nights” that killed me.
I have talked to countless youth leaders who work for a workaholic. The vast majority of these youth leaders have the same message, “he just doesn’t get it and I’m slowly dying.” So, the question is, what do we do about it?
The first thing is of course, … don’t work for a workaholic. This would be a question I would ask in the interview process. I would also ask around (other staff, elders, the previous youth leader etc.) and if you get a whiff of stressed out, overworked staff, run to the hills. I have said this before but it bears repeating, it is better to work for Starbucks than for a toxic church situation—Starbucks tends to look after its staff.
If you are working for a workaholic. This is difficult, and there are no simple, magic cures that I can offer here. The first thing I would do is to try my best for a series of conversations where you explain to your boss that you struggle with his work ethic. In fact, try to convince him that God wants us to rest (I think it is written in stone somewhere…). At the very least, will your senior minister agree that, “what works for them must not be expected of you?” You may find that they simply do not understand where you are coming from. This is where some solid elders or key parents may need to come in as support.
I would also try to show him through various ways that you are working very hard and not slacking off. This could come through giving him weekly reports and keeping him updated with everything that is going on in the youth ministry. While this is a good strategy, keep in mind that workaholics are rarely satisfied; either with themselves or with those who work for them. In the end, like all difficult bosses, you will have to learn to work with them and, in many cases, around them.
Is there an elder that you can speak with? The workaholic senior minister will probably not listen to you (you are, after all, merely junior staff). However, he may listen to a peer.
For those of you working in this situation, the bottom line may simply be to make sure your next gig is different.
Make sure your boss is not on the verge of burnout
This is a very difficult skill to cultivate but I need to post a warning for all of you in youth ministry. Be careful, you do not want to work in a church where the senior minister is about to blow a gasket.
Many ministers are great at covering up the lurking burnout that is just below the surface. They appear to be fine until wham-o, they fall in an exhausted heap. Before taking a job at a church I would seek out some information: Has this person ever taken time off in the past for exhaustion? Are there some informed people who are worried about his/her health? Does the minister have trouble making decisions (about issues in the church)? Do the decisions that get made never become realities? Does the minister get teary at the drop of a hat? These are some of the signs that I have learned to recognize. Be warned, a boss on the edge has the serious ability to make your life a living hell … that is because their life is a living hell and they just aren’t thinking straight.
Again, it is better to skip a potential ‘sweet gig’ than to work in a life-sucking furnace. If you have any hint that the senior minister is on the edge … look for a temporary job where the toughest thing is learning to say “tall, grande or vente?”
Ministry is exhausting. It can crush your bones, numb your mind and suck every ounce of emotional energy from your spirit. Ministry is so very exhausting for three simple reasons:
1. You are working with people. People who, like yourself can be flawed and demanding, sinful and unpredictable, and insensitive and rude.
2. You always need to be ‘up’. By this I mean that you must constantly be ‘up’ for the events of this week (church, youth group etc.). You must always be the role model. This comes with an inevitable degree of wear and tear.
3. There is an inbuilt importance to what we are doing. It is so very important that we must not give up or give in. This sometimes causes us to push ourselves when we should slow down or even stop for a rest and recharge.
An added dimension that can sometimes make youth ministry harder than most other ministries is simply because we are ‘under’ so many others. Think of all those groups whose opinion matters to our job wellbeing.
•We must work under a senior minister and/or elders. You may say “I work with him/her” but the fact of the matter is, they are still over you in the Lord. And, can have a big say in your longevity at your present job.
•We must aim to work with and even for parents—we are, after all, working with their children. Therefore, their opinions matter greatly.
•In addition we of course work with the youth themselves.
We need to listen to so many opinions, so many preferences, so many ‘helpful bits of advice to further our ministry.’ Youth ministry is, as a result, filled with workers who are barely hanging in there. I see it in some of my colleague’s eyes—they are the walking dead, are they hanging in by their nails? Nope, they left their nails in the cliff’s edge a long time ago.
This is the second in a series of post designed to offer some guidance towards “self care: staying sane in youth ministry.” The first post offered some practical advice. This one is going to be a bit … trickier. Your second rule for self care in youth ministry is while you must take great care to work hard and to work smart, God is in control. GOD IS IN CONTROL!
Staying healthy in youth ministry rule #2: You must (MUST!) realize that God is in control!
I have met a lot of youth ministers. There are some who, quite frankly, are lazy. They are lazy in their actions and they are lazy in their minds. However, it has been my experience that they are the minority. The majority work hard and are eager to get better at their craft. Many of them are the exact opposite of lazy—they are driven.
The problem is that in this desire to get things done we become … control freaks. This is one of the most unhealthy aspects to ministry and it is also one that, in the end, will cause you harm.
Now, there are those of us who are aware of this fact, and if you are a control freak you really must acknowledge this fact. Failure to do so will almost certainly cause you suffering and fatigue. Sure we want to see things get done—important things, but we must be very careful. Consider these well-known words from the Apostle Paul:
We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me. Colossians 1:28-29
Notice that Paul works hard, very hard. However, he realizes that it is Christ who is working in him. It is God’s power, not Paul’s. This frees Paul up to relax even while “laboring and struggling”, knowing that the results are up to God.
With this in mind, I want to leave you with three simple thoughts:
1. Be faithful, work hard
Leaving things in God’s hands doesn’t equal an excuse for laziness. We must be faithful with the gifts that God has given us and use all our energy to see his Kingdom built.
2. Be smart—do things God’s way
I have written about this copiously in the past so I won’t say much else here. Bottom line; if your church or youth program is producing unhealthiness in your spirit (and body), it may be an unhealthy program.
3. Know that it is God who brings the fruit from your ministry
Ultimately we must stand with Paul when he says “I planted, Apollos watered, but God brings the growth.”(1 Cor 3:6-7). God brings the growth … not us. This must mean that the fruits of our ministries are totally out of our control!
What does this mean for me?
Can I take a day off and not do one scrap of work? YES!
Can I turn off my phone and feel guilt free for not responding to texts? YES!
Can I say “no” to a 6:00 am prayer meeting (especially when I’ve had a small group Bible study the night before)? YES!
Do I fret when kids just don’t seem to get it? NO!
Do I worry about the numbers game when I have parents or elders breathing down my neck? NO!
In the end, I have learned to examine myself in the present and make sure that what I am doing is faithful, smart, and healthy and that God is in control of the results. I have learned to look back and to see how the Lord is gracious and compassionate and uses my feeble efforts to build his Kingdom. This frees me from my natural tendency toward control freakdom.
 Rule #1 = run a ministry that fires you up rather than wears you out.
[Well it’s been awhile and it is time to get back into the swing of things as my self imposed exile from writing is over so hold onto your hats. Here we go!]
A few weeks back I gave a seminar titled “Self care: keeping yourself healthy for long-term ministry.” One person came up to me and said, “I really wish I had heard that talk when I started out ten years ago.” With that in mind, I want to spend the next few posts on covering just that—how to stay healthy in youth ministry. I also want to answer a question I am often asked, “How have you been in youth ministry for so long?”
Do I merely have the supernatural gift of longevity … well, not really. But what I do have is some wisdom picked up from hitting the wall a few times and learning how either avoid it or how to go around it.
As we do this we are going to go through a few of the ‘rules of staying healthy’. Our first rule is simple: run a ministry that fires you up rather than wears you out.
Ministry is tiring; there is no way around that. However, there is a kind of tiredness that is a ‘joyous exhaustion’. This is where you can fall into your bed knowing that “tonight was a great night because some really great things happened.” Think about that really great retreat you organized where the group really clicked and a number of youth had their relationship with the Lord taken to a new level. This is the kind of joyous tiredness I am talking about. This is very different to the “did we even make a difference in this event we just ran?” type of weariness and to the “why don’t my volunteers seem to get it” exhaustion that we feel deep in our bones.
With this in mind, it is imperative that you are running that type of ministry that can keep you going even when the natural tiredness comes. Here are three tips to help you along:
- You need to be in charge of a ministry that operates with your gifting and abilities. I am not an administrator—never have been, never will be. Office stuff and long meetings wear me out. I like being with youth and running youth group gatherings. I also love small group Bible study. Too many of us rushed into a job without taking a long look at whether this job is a good fit or not. So, what are you good at? What type of ministry really gets you pumped up? If you are into discipleship but running a ministry committed to evangelism, you are going to find yourself quickly wearing out. The wise word here is: if you want to stay energized, cut with your ministry grain rather than against it.
- You need to get to the stage where everything doesn’t depend on you. I came to that realization many years ago. The youth group I was running was working well and I discovered that I could take two to three weeks for my annual vacation. I had a team of leaders that worked well and a group of core youth who loved the program and could run it without me. So, if you want to be like the energizer bunny, build up your leaders, and build up your core youth.
- Think about the practical aspects of your week: the when, what and where. Staying healthy may simply be a matter of knowing what to do and when to do it. Many of you will know my dislike for Friday evening youth group. I have seen that this program tires most leaders out rather than builds them up. In addition to this, I need to be careful of early morning prayer meetings. There will always be someone telling you that “Jesus got up early to pray”! (I had a youth leader who was adamant that we pray every other Friday at 5:00 am. I tried my best to hang in there but after three meetings I’d had enough—it simply took too great a toll.) If you are an early morning prayer type person- more power to ya. If not, don’t sweat it, God is satisfied with us praying at a later time. You may also want to think about how much driving you do. In many different settings, youth leaders find themselves spending hours in traffic or on the road. I have found this to be an energy zapper. Think about saying “no” to those meetings that aren’t all that necessary and a long distance away. Or, learn to take the bus where you can catch up on emails at the same time.
Bottom line is: stay sharp by thinking smart.
Today we are going to talk about icebergs even though I don’t know a lot about polar exploration. I’d love to give it a shot but I just don’t think this Arizona boy will ever have the chance. I guess winter in Saskatchewan can at least count for a distant second.
I want to continue to focus our thoughts on starting out—what do we do to get our youth group going in a way that is profitable for long-term discipleship and ministry.
If you’ve read my earlier posts you may remember that I’ve encouraged you to do some things that will help your time in your new youth group to be more profitable. I want to now focus on a question that is basic and yet foundational to your work: Who will this group be for? Most youth leaders begin with dreams of reaching out to the lost and so they aim for a group filled with nonChristian youth. While this is understandable, be very careful. A group that is predominantly nonChristian will lead you to, what I have described in Changing the World, the upside down iceberg.
As you know, icebergs have all the weight at the bottom. This base supports the top, which, while visible, is the minority of this great structure. The principle is the same for any effective youth ministry. If you want to see a group that reaches out to those who don’t know Jesus, you must have the strongest base possible. This base must be made up of two key groups: Christian youth from the church/local area, and youth who, while they may not yet be strong Christians (or even Christians at all), are willing to wholeheartedly participate in every spiritual activity that you run.
I think about many of youth groups that I have either heard about or participated in the past few years. They are designed to attract the lost. When the lost do come, there must be activities that will be enjoyable and will keep them coming. This becomes a tremendous burden to the volunteers and to the leader themselves. This is an example of an iceberg that is wrongside up. The leadership team must then prop up this iceberg to keep it from crashing down. In my experience, gravity always wins and inevitably, the group crashes.
The better way
Your goal must be to build a strong base of Christian youth. These youth can then minister to nonChristians youth. As the base grows, so does the top—the whole thing gets bigger and bigger!
So, one of your first steps is to begin your youth group with the above two groups (Christians and any youth who willingly participate in Christian activities) as your base. Find out exactly how many Christian youth are in the church or have gone to the previous group. Meet with these youth and explain to them your desire to run a group that will be built on getting to know Jesus each week and encouraging each other to follow him. If there was a youth group before you moved into the leadership role, find the next group; those youth who came to the youth group and were willing to participate in the spiritual activities. These two groups are your core, your bread and butter, your pizza base and every other metaphor that you can insert here.
A word to youth ministry vets
I’m not talking about those of you who look after animals but anyone who has been in youth ministry for a while. We all need to be careful of the upside down iceberg—even seasoned specialists with the best of intentions can be sucked in to running a group that is upside down. This will make things so much harder in the long run.